Thugs, Drugs, and How to Court Your Coworkers.
by Toni Isom
If you walked into a snowboard shop 10 years ago, you were lucky to see a jacket that didn’t resemble your little sister’s raincoat. Patterns were a rare find, and the range of fits was more or less limited to “small”, “medium”, and “large”. Odds are you looked just like everyone else on the mountain, and there wasn’t much you could do about it.
Eventually some genius realized that riders wanted to bring their unique styles to the slopes, and fashion in snowboarding exploded.
The hard part now is trying to narrow down your options. Brands like Burton, Section, and Special Blend offer outerwear in so many cuts and colors, choosing a shred-getup can be a little overwhelming. Lucky for you, several Dogfunk.com employees agreed to subject themselves to the merciless critique of the newsletter fashion police, just to help you avoid looking like a confused Nordic skier on a snowboard.
Thugs Need Hugs, Too.
Steve wears his pants baggy and his jacket thugged out. Be careful rocking this style—you might find yourself starring as Guy-Being-Bitten-on-Ass-by-Drug-Dog on The World’s Most Shocking Traffic Stops. Steve digs Planet Earth Pants and puffy jackets. Baggy ain’t going nowhere, so tell your grandpa to get over it.
If Becky can’t find what she wants in the industry’s baggy offerings, she sizes up on slimmer pieces—might want to throw on a snowboard belt in that case. While it takes years of practice to dial in Becky’s gangsta grrrl style, start by browsing through Burton stuff.
Phil rocks the slim and suave look. Whether this makes you look like a boy-band boarder or a rocker who shreds snow like a six-string Fender is for you to decide. Some riders aren’t down with draping themselves in extra folds of fabric, and some other riders find that incredibly sexy. To steal this rocker’s style, check out L1 Snowboard Pants and coats like the Volcom Swerve.
Milly sticks with slim-fit, too. You don’t have to have purple hair to flaunt this fit, but we’ll just say that Milly’s colorful coiffeur, Burton Luna Pullover Jacket, and Ride pants have certain coworkers (whose names we won’t mention) having hot and heavy dreams about her at night.
I’m Seeing Patterns...
As everyone knows, newsletter writers are usually the most stylish people on the slopes. Toni prefers solid jackets, like the Burton Chopper, with plaid pants, like her herringbone Holden Karmellas. She might pull the scorpion from time to time, but at least she looks good doing it.Argyle Boy prefers a patterned jacket with solid-colored pants. The key point here is that patterns are awesome, but PLEASE—use sparingly. Your plaid-and-stripes ensemble is not funny, edgy, or rebellious. If you really want to exercise your ironicalness, try the 686 Gaper Outfits, or just wear a cape and a top hat.
Here are some of our favorite patterns. Peruse as you will.
While your skillz matter most, keep in mind that the threads you wear let most people know whether you bust out sweet-ass grinds or sweet ass-grinds. Don’t let your style send the wrong impression.